The Shadow Vault: Others Mistakes

January 26, 2003

Others Mistakes

Okay, so I know that people want me to make the right choices, and I know that everyone wants me to hang around the 'right people'... Now, i want to know how good of choices they made with thier friends... No, not the best choices, all made stupid choices... now, i know they just want to let me be happier by not letting me make these stupid choices, BUT, if they think back on it, they all know that they felt it was the best choice at the time, and that no matter what anyone said, they thought it was right. So, the only purpose then for these comments is the 'I told you so' factor in the future. Plus the current effect of making me not happy.

Seeing as all they did was insult the person I am supposedly dillusioned at being in love with (it is a well known fact you cannot love untill you are of a certain age... although this number has not been disclosed to me by anything other than "older"...). And so, with the insult of her, they apparently missed the point of "I feel like I love her", and the idea of defending those who you love. I know I should go to people face to face with this, or it would have taken REAL full effect if i had said it as the insultation og her was going on... saying somthing like 'I really do not appriciate you insulting this girl, can you please stop' but I am a fucking chiken shit(as she would say, in fact...) and I can not make myself say things as bold as that.
And as for those of you who want to know why the hell I am under the impression that i love this girl, I can definetly tell you:
We complete eachothers sentances
the feeling I get from just a simple kiss fropm her
the fact that she is the most important thing in my life
how much i cannot let her go no matter how much I try to convince myself that she hurts me
the fact that i am writing this here, and not chickening out.
that we know eachother so well that we actually will very very commonly say the exact same thing at the exact same time.
and a lot because I have a hard time living a day without seeing her or speaking to her.
(if ANYONE critisises me about this list, I WILL quit typing here, and quit saying anything about any of my opinions to anyone, and most definetly cry, i know I am a fucking stupid teenager who just thinks he is in love, but isn't really because he doesn't know what love is because he has no fucking experience with it, and is in his first relationship, and can most probnably have any of the above feelings or emotions ar coincidences with any girl on the planet of the earth if given the time)

Another thing that will come up is that: 'You know... many of these things may be your replacements for what your mother was for you, and you are just so fucked in the head that you are imagining these emotions with her to replace the ones that you SHOULD have with your mother.' And my response to that is... oh well, so what if it is? so what if all I ever want in any girl is a replacement for my mother, its still what I want and feel, and what makes a person is thier expiriences, and so, this loss being an expirience, what i feel due to that is perfectly acceptable as me. And besides, i am just a stupid teenager under the impression that something real will ever come of this, and so it will be over within... a year, and so none of this will ever matter.

So, in the end, all I am saying is that she is who i choose to be with right now, and I do not enjoy your insultations of her.

Would you rather not know?

Posted by Warpshadow at January 26, 2003 12:47 AM | TrackBack

Comments

When I was almost sixteen, I fell in love for the first time. A lot of my peers didn't care for her because of what they saw the relationship do to me, but there's no way anyone can REALLY know unless it's one of the two people involved in the relationship. I don't want to go into tremendous detail, but it was a very difficult, trying relationship I came into due to circumstances beyond either of our control. We tried off and on for three years to make it work, and when it finally utterly failed, it took me years to get completely over. I wouldn't wish that sort of pain on anyone...

and yet...

I wouldn't take a minute of it back. It shaped me into who I am today. And today I am a happily married man with a bright future and a life that keeps improving on a daily basis. I learned so much from that relationship, I see every day examples of things I probably would have done differently if I hadn't struggled through that relationship back then.

Take what you will from that. I definitely believe falling in love is possible when you're 16. I also think falling in love is a totally different experience each time you do it, and there's no accounting for it, no rhyme nor reason. You can decide whether or not to act on it, but you can't control it. And I also believe that when you love someone you love that someone for life. You can move on, fall in love with someone else, and live happily ever after with that person, but your previous loves will always have a place in your heart, tucked away appropriately to allow you to continue to grow but everpresent. That idea, true or not, has always offered me great comfort.

Sorry if anything is offensive or whatnot... hearing your words just spawned this reaction.

Posted by: iain on January 26, 2003 09:28 AM

The first time I really fell in love I was 15. I dated him for a year and a half, and I still love him. I still think of him from time to time and every few years I call him in Illinois to see what's going on his life. Another relationship I often think of started when I was 16. We were close friends for a few months before we dated, we dated about 6 mos. and then after we broke up we really couldn't be friends. I think of him often also. He really had a big impact on me. I love him, but it's a different kind of love. It's different than my first love, and different than my current love and I guess I really can't explain it, but it is love nontheless. I met my husband when I was 17.
Love is love at whatever age. It's not that you are a "stupid teenager". Mom's friend Laurie met her husband at 16 or so. It's possible to meet your life mate at a very young age. My sister-in-law has been with her man since she was 12.
We all endured a lot of negative comments about the people that we are (were) with. Mom couldn't stand my husband for a lot of years and my first love she didn't like either. Other people aren't in the relationship so they can't see what is really going on. Sometimes as people mature and change others can see more easily what you saw all along.
Another thing is, boys marry thier mothers and girls marry thier fathers. You were dating her before Mom died, you didn't run out and grab someone to replace Mom. I am sure that she has a lot of traits similar to Mom. She can't replace any kind of relationship you had with Mom though. Do you think that is what you are doing?
I am sorry for critisizing your girlfriend. I say things about her the same as I say things about you. When someone enters a family there is always a point where the family gets in thier two cents. There should also be a point where you stand up for her, just as you have done. Warren had to tell his family to stop being mean to me, (and some of them were really mean for a while). When a person proves themselves to be more than the family thought they were they are respected and accepted, sometimes when they prove themselves to be nothing more than what the family thought they were the one in the relationship sees that for themselves and agrees with what the others are saying.
I don't feel like I am making much sense, so I'll shut up...

Posted by: April on January 26, 2003 10:47 AM