The Shadow Vault

August 05, 2004
I don't exist today

Yeah, I wanna just hide up here in my room. I don't wanna go downstairs. I just want to stay up here and play. I know that if I open that door and walk downstairs, I am instantly vulnerable to anything and everything my dad wants me to do. I'm having a good morning so far, got to sleep in quite a bit. Cyndi didn't call me this morning, but I assume she is either asleep or had to go do something or couldn't get to a working phone(the phones at her house are all portable and don't seem to hold charge very long). But that's okay. I slept in. I think I had some good dreams. A nice change from last time I recall having dreams, when I knew they were all nightmares and I couldn't remember them... But that's what you get for reading the chapter on nighmares and night terrors in a psychology book, I guess... That and the beleif that you have been deprived of the deep sleep that makes night terrors easier to come about... Heh, beleif makes things real when it comes to the dreamworld. Blagh. Anyway, yeah, can't remember dreams right now. I need to stop getting so few hours sleep... Oh well. It happens.

I seem to have a bug bite just under my jawbone on the far left side... and I am hungry. Blagh, I don't wanna go downstairs to eat, and I certainly don't want to eat these cookies for breakfast... But I really don't want them down there to make me work. And I really wouldn't be able to get myself to say "I'm not working today" just wouldn't work.

At any rate... I seem to be relatively recharged today. All day yesterday, and really, it had been building up for awhile, I had the feeling of "I don't have the mental energy I need to keep fighting life." Now, this isn't suicidal, I just wanted to do something like I want to do today, and just take a break from everything. Not likely tho. Once I go down to eat breakfast, I am fair game for being asked to do work. And I can't avoid Cyndi, that just don't work. Blagh, I hope she has a good day. I'll be fine either way, I'm willing to be there for her anyway, but, really, I want a nice peaceful day. It's raining outside, and I will love that, as long as it doesn't mean more work. If I can, I think I am going to go sit on a scaffold out there a few levels up, and just lay there watching/listening to the rain... I like doing that.
I like the rain a lot. I especially like the overcast sky... Makes shadows virtually non-existant. All the light is diffused enough that everything is evenly lit, and everything is great. And it's not like day, when the sun is blinding, and it's not like night, when it's too dark to see anything(which I like as well... it's so unoffensive), but it's overcast, not white, not black, it's gray. It's just right there in the middle and it's great.

Ugh, my dad just called. He figured out I had to be awake. I told him I was hiding, he says that won't work. He knows where I live... Grr... He's gonna make me work. blah. Okay. Well. Yeah. I have to eat breakfast, and I have to do whatever my dad says to do. I'm sure he thinks it absurd that I want to hide all day. I'm sure he thinks that he gives me plenty of time to have breaks and rest, but when was the last day I didn't do anything? Erm... Not since the last week of school(besides my trips to Phoenix). And besides, after a week, I will have plenty of free time. Next tuesday, I don't have to do anything for him at all, so why would I be so bold as to want a whole day to myself this soon. It's not like I won't have nine months of break, going to school......... which is a whole entire other fucking subject. (In order to graduate on time, I have to get 10.5 credits this year, meaning 4.5 credits in correspondance... I'm so glad it wasn't the 7 I thought it was when I was too tired to subtract properly) Yeah, and he implys I am spending next summer up her. The twit, he thinks that after I am 18, he is going to have any control over me? Okay, I'll come up, but he is treating me like an adult, and he is fucking paying me. Yeah. I'm not doing this stupid slave work anymore. No. No. No.

Heh, and I kinda wanna rant about Teel. Rather interesting to do on his own website. Maybe I should just put it on the end of this in my LiveJournal, and leave it out of here... Eh... Naw, I'll just put whatever I feel like putting. (all of this is in both) erm, yeah. He's being controlling about my computer. I have a good computer, and he wants to use it, and because he wants to use it, he doesn't want to share internet with it unless it is out in one of the common rooms. He says this is because I shouldn't have internet in my room 'till I am 18, but... that would mean that he cares if I look at porn, which I KNOW he doesn't. Besides, I have internet in my room right now, and nobody cares. He is just trying to keep my computer in a place that he will feel comfortable, and he is using the internet as the blackmail. Maybe he thinks I am too stupid to realise his intent. "I want to use your computer for this MMO that my computer is too old to play" "Oh, and by the way, you can't have internet in your room, in fact, I want to put your computer and Angelas on the same monitor and keyboard, and just have a switch between them" It's like he thinks I don't want to be able to USE my computer ever... fucking hell that's stupid... Anyway, I'm sure saying this will piss him off, I won't be suprised if I "accidentally" end up losing my account on ME. Thats okay, I have my LiveJournal. Biggest loss here would be losing my ability to have other stuff in my subdirectory.

Anyway, time to go eat and work and other stuff, even tho I really fucking don't want to. I wish I could have a day off, but no. No. Not this close to him losing his slave.

wheeeeeeeee!!!!!

^ the, erm, text... it's having fun, flying around.... It got bored of sitting still.

August 03, 2004
Patented = Good

Okay. I am back on the hotmail filter subject.

I finally went into Hotmail and turned off the filter... it was bugging me more... Anyway, so I go it, and I see that on a side bar they say something about using patented mail filters... Now... Is the word "patented" supposed to help? I know they try it in the info-mercials on the TV, but... Seriously, all "patented" means is that nobody else can use it without permission. Well, really it just means that they proved they did it first. But really... It's silly!

Like, I could patent a way to assist in, I dunno, terrorism, or rape, or beasiality, or... I dunno, something bad, or completely stupid, like an ass-scratcher.... But really, erm... Just because those things would be patented, doesn't mean they are good! I am sure I could patent a method of consistently coming up with malfunctioning products, but that doesn't mean that you should buy my products that were "created using a patented method." But... Yeah... Just a rant.

August 03, 2004
Hooray! Brain Freeze!!

You know what brain freeze means? It means I got to eat a tasty frozen food!! Ice cream! Vanilla, too! YAY!

Yeah, except that I am not really that excited about it... I'm out of M&Ms and Mt Dew, so I got some ice cream to make myself happy... Really, I haven't been so great past couple days. Yesterday I was depressed for no real reason... Dunno, got over it after Midori(Cyndi) gave reasonable argument that I had no reason to be depressed, and after I had listened to music awhile. It's all okay now. Also, like four days ago, I had a great day... Night was best, really, didn't talk to Midori much, but that was okay, I still had a good night that night, listened to music, went through my boxes... I was happy... Got into a crazy mood when I was on the phone... Anyway...

So, yeah, we been pouring concrete... Not so much fun, really. Mostly just tireing... ugh, productive tho. Gotta get up about six or seven to start work again... No fun.

I get out of here in a week tho, hooray! Sorta... School is gonna suck... I won't see Midori as often as I wish I could... I'll see her both the 12th and 13th tho, hooray... Her life is having problems right now, but everything will get worked out soon, I am sure.

I keep playing this game called Ground Control, it's a 3D RTS(Real Time Strategy) Which means it is a war game... In this one, you choose what kind of units you want to take to battle based on your mission breifings, and then you put them on the planet in drop ships(from an orbiting battle cruiser) And then you command the battle. But the great thing about this one is that it was one of the first to actually be 3D, meaning, the others, like most of the Command and Conqure games, just had an overhead veiw and two dimensional animations that showed stuff(looks great, but you just have the one angle), But see, with this 3D thing, you can go up and down, and pan up and down and rotate the camera, and everything is three dimensions. So, like, you could take the camera down to the ground where the enemy is standing to watch your artillary shells rain down on them, and it is from their perspective. Or, you can go up and veiw a whole battle at once, or you can go down on the ground and go alongside your soldiers as they run to the next objective.... It's fantastic! I loves it!
But really, those games have been around awhile. I bought that game a few years back, but I gave up on it because I always insisted on playing a challenging difficulty, and I didn't feel like persisting. Now, I don't feel like putting any effort into things, and I just want to see the story. Besides, it's lots of fun watching an army at your command marching in and totally annihilating everything in sight with barely any effort. I am just playing for fun... Life is hard enough already.

And I have been playing a little Neverwinter Nights. Just playing through the original campaign, I never beat it before, I moved and got distracted from it last time I tried to play, and then reformatted, forgetting to save my saved games. Well, I might have them on a CD somewhere. Anyway, but yeah, that's a bt tedious, I already know everything in the first three fourths.

I need to go down and weld something together... I did before, but I couldn't get proper penetration on one of the peices... After I did a bunch of sections of it, I had learned how, but I have to go re-do the first two welds.

Anyway... tired... Going away. Hope I sleep tonight.

Sayonara

Don't play minesweeper when you are so tired you feel like you will pass out!!!!

July 30, 2004
Hotmail - "Helping take control of my mail"

Okay, so I go and log into my hotmail account, and I get this message

"Enhancing your junk e-mail filter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your junk e-mail filter has been set to Enhanced. This means that most junk e-mail will automatically be delivered to your Junk E-Mail folder instead of your Inbox.

Messages from addresses in your Contacts list will not be sent to your Junk E-Mail folder, but you may want to check your Junk E-Mail folder from time to time, to ensure that mail you want to see is not being filtered as junk.

For more information, click Help in Hotmail and see the topics under Filters and Junk E-mail.

Just another way in which we can help you take control of your mail. "

Now... I did not Ask for this feature, and, in fact, most of the e-mails I desire will be sent to the junk folder... What part of forcing all my e-mail into another folder can "help me take control of my mail?" Just doesn't make any sence to me, and I thought I would make a lovely ramble about it.

ttfn

P.S. Bauhaus kicks ass.

July 18, 2004
Some long title I don't feel like filling the front page with

Nothing spectacular in this post... Just a coule of things about Harry Potter, and some others about me reading again, or maybe other stuff about my life...

So, yeah. I've been reading the Harry Potter series, finally, and I find it interesting the things they've left out of the movies... Like, until I read the books, I wasn't aware that the Gryffindor prefect-the student in charge of keeping the Gryffindors in line-was Percy, Ron Weaslys brother...

That and I didn't enjoy the third movie much... But I'm sure I would now... now that I have read the book for it... When I read the book, I realised the entire purpose of the book was for a single conversation near the end... And when I watched the movie, I didn't feel that the movie was compete, and, in reading the book, I learned that was because I didn't understand everyhting in that one conversation... maybe I was distracted... I know I was during the beginning of the movie, but not enough to miss anything... I don'tthink that was it... I think probably the conversation in the movie either left out too much, or went too fast... I don't know.

Anyway... Yeah. Thats all I can think of for now about Harry Potter...

I've been reading a lot lately. Really, been spending almost all my free time reading Harry Potter... Well, that and talking to my girlfriend... Don't see her often, but talk to her a lot. Anyway. Yeah, only on year four tho... been reading about three weeks now, I think. I dunno... Reading faster now, and I now have a playlist in iTunes dedicated to music with minimal lyrics as to help me read... I dunno what I'm reading after I finish the Harry Potter series. Hopefully Dragons Truth then Forlorn, or whatever it's called now.. Lost and Not Found... Then maybe those vampire books by Anne Rice... about Lestat or whoever... that's about 8 books, I think... Maybe I'll have my World of Darkness books by then, eh?

I've taken an extra liking for Vampires lately. look! I even capitolise the word... Cyndi, my girlfriend's really into vampire stuff... Does a lot of roleplaying in Yahoo and some message boards as a vampire. Goes by Midori... She wants to change her name to that. Wow... I change subjects a lot, don't I? Oh well...

*poke*